My baby girl just turned 15 this past week. The small creature I gave birth to what seems like not that long ago is now legally able to learn to operate a motor vehicle. Now, I'm not concerned about her being a bad driver. I'm proud to say I have a smart, sensible child who seems to be aware of the responsibility of the task.

No, it's everyone else on the road I worry about. So as she studies the handbook, learning all the technical rules, I've started to explain to her the mysteries she'll encounter on the road that will probably never be solved. Such as:

WHEN DID TURN SIGNALS BECOME OPTIONAL EQUIPMENT ON CARS?

Really, that's the only explanation I can come up with as to why so many people think it's perfectly acceptable to zip back and forth between lanes on the expressway with no notice whatsoever. Apparently they stopped putting them on cars at all, it's not that drivers are somehow neglecting to move that lever up or down when they change lanes, or worse, just stop in the middle of the road for no apparent reason. Oh wait, you're turning here? Really? You could have made some indication instead of making the rest of us wonder if you've just broken down. I hope car manufacturers take note and start putting that mechanism back, since it is, oh, you know, the LAW.

WHY DO PEOPLE DRIVE SO FAST AND PASS OTHERS TO GET TO THE SAME RED LIGHT WHERE I'M NOW RIGHT BESIDE YOU?

It happens all the time. Some person who's driving like Vin Diesel is racing them for pink slips, passing cars, going twenty miles over the speed limit, cutting people off and generally being a menace, ends up one or two cars away from you at the red light. Nice to see being in such a hurry worked out for you, Ricky Bobby. How about next time not endangering the lives of others in your quest to get to the Taco Bell?

DOES A BUNCH OF STUFF ON A CAR SAP DRIVING ABILITY?

This is just a personal observation, but I find the worst drivers tend to be people with a bunch of, well, crap, stuck to their car. Nascar stickers, political stickers, religious symbols or stickers, all equally guilty of either excessive speeding, weaving, or going ten miles BELOW the speed limit. I don't mean just one or two decals or whatnot, I mean with half the back window or bumper covered. On a side note, I've never understood that myself. No one really cares about your political or religious opinions expressed via bumper sticker. Also, if you have election stickers from two elections ago, remove them. It's over, sorry.

Anyway, that's what I'm up against, teaching my daughter to be observant of the hazards she faces. Because soon I'll have to actually give her the keys and go get in the car with her for her first lesson, my little girl who I remember watching Dragon Tales with. I need to go lie down now.