You would think that with my husband being gone, I would have loads of free time to get things done. Well, he has been in JRTC for 12 days now and I have never felt less accomplished.

I’ve always been an honor student, but I’m neglecting my online classes. I put in just enough effort to get my assignments done, knowing it is not my best work every time. I wasn’t even bothering to check my grades until today. I found out that I got a 60/100 on a paper for using MLA format instead of APA format. Anything below a B- is unheard of for me, but I hardly raised an eyebrow at the F.

Normally I do laundry several times in a week so that my husband has clean PT clothes and uniforms and socks and all that good stuff. With him gone I let the basket pile up for over a week, though some of it is still his—I’ve been wearing all his t-shirts.

While I’m at my day job, I daydream about all the productive things I am going to do once I punch out—work out, shop for groceries, clean the house, mow the lawn. But once I walk in the door I don’t seem to have the energy. All I want to do is curl up on the couch with Deuce (my dog) and watch another nine episodes of Parks and Recreation.

When I found out my husband was going to be deployed, my original plan was to move back home to Minnesota. Maybe I’d live with my mom or my sister, maybe I’d bounce around visiting relatives and friends. But that plan came with a lot of questions and anxieties: Where would I move all of our furniture and possessions? Where would I stay? What about my job? How would I find a new place before he returned?

Then a soldier relocating to Fort Benning offered us his house to rent. I decided that I could always make multiple trips to Minnesota during the deployment; I would have less anxiety by having a place to call home (in Georgia) instead of couch surfing for 9 months. We moved into the new home right before my husband left for Louisiana. It is a beautiful three bedroom, two bath house with a deck and a big fenced-in yard.

Many of our belongings still sit in their boxes, waiting to be unpacked. Every time I start to take things out, I end up sitting on the floor looking at an old photo album for an hour.

I’ve heard jokes about hairy legs and ice cream binges during deployments. But now I’ve had a taste of the apathy and I’m afraid for the future. And we haven’t even gotten to the deployment, this is just JRTC. This is only a month. It hasn’t even been two weeks. I am a zombie.

On the bright side, at least I can say that I know I’ve found the one. He makes me want to be a better person. So much so that in his absence, I can hardly remember how to put on real pants.